martha dawson

errant inspiration

the extraordinary lives in the ordinary

i apparently like blue giraffes

She has fine, wispy blonde hair, blue eyes, and a full bottom lip.
She has a slight lisp and erupts into giggles.
She prefers to colour her giraffes blue and the sky orange.
She likes sweet pickles
She knows where the faeries live in the yard.

And she calls her parents unspeakable names.

Meet little Martha. She’s four, and she sugar coats nothing. 
It’s all unvarnished joy, anger, and everything else in between.

And I love her for that!

She has a thirst for life, and she approaches each day with wonder. 
I like that. 
I admire that. 
I am in awe of that. 
Her spirit is so strong that it hasn’t been destroyed by the fact she has lived a life laced with emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. 

To put it politely, we had emotionally immature parents. 

Through meditation and automatic writing we have established trust and respect for one another. She has bestowed many gifts upon me. There is that zest for life she has kept alive for us, and she is teaching me how to play again. That’s how I learned about the blue giraffes. She instinctively hid away our innocence for safekeeping, and she never gave up trying to see the good in her world, even in those unfathomable people called Mommy and Daddy. And that is just a sampling of her generosity. She is a tiny warrior and a hero in my books.

One day she revealed a belief that is the taproot to my scarcity thinking.

If you have it, they will take it.

It was like all the lights came on at once in my mind!

In an effort to protect herself from the painful experience of being robbed she made an effort to require less and want as little as possible. I believe if she could have gone on without a body she would have. The best she could do was leave it when it was being badly used.

This belief had no boundaries. It wasn’t restricted to a four year old’s needs and desires. Over the years it has starved me of time, pleasure, love, energy, money. Anything I could possibly wish for was on its hit list.

Here’s where it gets really interesting. 

I recognized the damaging belief.
Thanked little Martha for protecting us and being brave enough to share the truth.
And intentionally threw the belief out.

Within the next two hours a stream of work came in and covered my rent, and two worrisome bills that were all due in the next few days.

Any doubts I had about whether subconscious beliefs run my life shriveled up on the spot.

Becoming aware of a subconscious belief is powerful and liberating. It loosens the hold the fear based ego has on me. Now every time it tries to impose that old, raggedy belief on me, (and believe me, it did continue to try!) I recognize it, laugh, and travel in the direction of my choosing. That particular mind game has become impotent, and I am free to be a more vibrant expression of my authentic self and more easily receive the abundance that surrounds me.

Thirty or so years ago I was terrified that if the monsters I had locked away in the closet ever managed to escape they would literally kill me. I was fortunate then to find people who skillfully guided and supported me in my initial battles with my inner demons, and I learned that I would not die when I met them. Over the years I have gained the tools, the courage, the allies, and the desire to ferret out what has been squirreled away in the dark corners of my being. And even though I sometimes emerge bloodied and tear stained on the other side of these encounters, I actually get excited when they make an appearance! Here’s why.

You know what else is being held captive in those shadowy places?

My innate power, my creativity, my inner peace, and my access to my true nature.

To reclaim them I need to be willing to shine a bright light into the darkness and take a good look at what is cowering in there. I now perceive this action, not as a battle, but an adventure. It has proven to be empowering.

Little 4 year old Martha no longer feels alone and angry. She feels safe and loved. This is because I was willing to listen to whatever she had to share without judgement or shying away. She is no longer a disowned receptacle of pain or a small child saddled with an adult’s job. She is an honoured integrated part of my being. She knows whenever she wants to speak to me I will be there. This is the power of inner child work. 

This is my personal experience with deep soulwork. Everybody’s journey is unique. Each of us can discover in our own way and in our own time exactly what we need to heal, thrive, and be at peace. My journey has included a wide variety of tools such as talk therapy, a variety of energy work, past life recovery, inner child work, soul communication, mediumship, and profound conversations with trusted friends. Although this is a very personal process, please remember you don’t need to do it alone. We travel together.

From my heart to yours,

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