martha dawson

errant inspiration

the extraordinary lives in the ordinary

the eloquent body

In January I asked for an expanded awareness of unity consciousness,
All Is One.I secretly harboured the expectation of bliss, peace, and rainbow farting unicorns.
Instead I received 8 months of hamstring pulls, hip pain, and a steady diet of ibuprofen.

The pain was distracting and robbed me of my focus. It was extremely difficult to write, read books, paint, or even think for any length of time. The pain overrode my access to my mind. I couldn’t meditate, and reading my daily cards was often a bust. The pain stood between me and my soul voice. It was just me and this lame human suit I was stuck in! Strangely enough, my only escape from it was when I did readings for other people. No pain!

I plied my body with bottles of ibuprofen (something I rarely take), listened to solfeggio music designed to exorcise the stupid pain, screamed at it, and cried. Nothing worked. It wasn’t until I threw up my hands and yelled I surrender did I see a hint of light in the whole proceedings.

When I finally stopped resisting, I could begin listening

Turns out, I had received exactly what I needed in answer to my request to experience unity consciousness.

Like all things, unity consciousness needs to begin within. (And my ego assaults me with a resounding, DUUUUHHHH!)

The truth is, I live fairly comfortably in my mind. I get high on ideas.
I adore my spirit. I love communing in the ethers.

But I haven’t been friends with my body. It’s slow and clumsy compared to the mind and spirit, and it’s soooo bloody high-maintenance! It constantly NEEDS something like food, water, sleep, exercise, hand lotion, a car. The list seems endless! 

I have viewed my body as a necessary evil, no, no I mean inconvenience. Yeah, inconvenience.

Oh, boy, I had work to do. It was time to get to know my body. 

One of the first things I learned was that the body is multilingual, and that I was only fluent in one of its dialects: PAIN. Yes, I would acknowledge some of its other languages such as hunger, thirst, tiredness, and the occasional pleasurable sensation, but I was extremely inconsistent in my attention and responses. No wonder it had to scream.

The doorway to unity consciousness is self-love, and that means loving, accepting and honouring ALL aspects of oneself. No unity within, no unity consciousness. My body was doing its job by alerting me to an obstacle to my stated desire.

Here are some of the messages from pain translated into english:

  1. It was not a coincidence that my body chose hip pain. I do just about everything sitting down, and I was unable to sit, or for that matter, stand or lie down comfortably. It made me acutely aware of EVERY move I made which kept me in the present moment (where I say I want to be and is the only place you can hear your intuitive voice). “Stop trying to shut me up by trying to mask the pain. I’m trying to help you here! And by the way, you have to get up and move around more if you want to feel good.”  
  2. Its location also pointed out that I still had work to do in my sacral and root chakra areas which are related to physical survival, sexuality, creativity, and pleasure. It was letting me know that I was still storing memories (specifically related to sexual abuse), shame, guilt, anger, and other people’s energy in that area that needed to be released so my energy could flow healthily for me to live more fully in the physical world and my body. It is not a coincidence that I returned to painting when I intentionally began this process since the energy for creativity is centered in the sacral chakra.
  3. By surrendering my resistance and accepting what is, I became open to other opportunities to help myself heal. It was at that point that my friend, Chris, an intuitive herbalist, asked me if I would be interested in discussing my pain. Now she has known about my pain all along. Afterall, I have even written about it in these emails. It wasn’t until I could be open to the pain messages that this opportunity presented itself. Coincidence? I think not. With Chris’s insightful questions and knowledge of the plant kingdom something became clear. I was suffering from adrenal fatigue, something that crops up for me due to a lifelong practice of hypervigilance as an empath who has lived in some pretty dysfunctional situations. I want to point out that one of my adrenal glands resides within the pain area and that hypervigilance is all about physical survival which is associated with the root chakra, and in my case also the sacral chakra due to the sexual abuse. Chris shared her thoughts about what herbs and foods would support my healing, and together we intuited a plan. It was a remarkable process that illustrated the power of collaboration in healing. I began using the herbs and within 24 hours the quality of the pain began to subtly change and recede. Thank you, Chris!

I continue to build a new and loving relationship with my body from a multifaceted perspective that honours its intricate nature. On a physical level I have changed my “sitting habit” by only sitting for no longer than 50 minutes and following it with at least 10 to 15 minutes of movement and standing. It’s amazing how many more chores are getting done effortlessly! I also do gentle exercises every day to stretch and strengthen the area that is involved. I drink my herbal tea daily, eat dark green leafy veggies, and use some really wonderful balm that Chris made when the area needs a little extra healing care. I can’t remember when I last took ibuprofen.

On an energetic level I only speak to my body in a loving way, openly express gratitude for all it does, and always ask it what it wants or needs. It is the mistress of the menu and the wardrobe! I listen to its signals and respond to them in a timely fashion. No more putting off peeing! Through meditation and intention I have cleared out the memories and emotions that I have been holding in that area and for the most part I am no longer a storage unit for other people’s energy. I feel so much lighter and a new kind of clarity has set in.

Most importantly, I invite healing to occur every day. I recognized that I have the power to heal and to find the people and modalities that support my process. You would be amazed how often we are subconsciously blocking our healing with fear. 

I no longer have pain. I am still working with some stiffness, but I believe that will disappear in time as I continue to discover the many pleasures of having a loving relationship with my body and respect it as an integral part of my being.

Remember this. When you ask for something, you will always receive exactly what you need, but not always what you anticipated. Remain open and explore the gift that arrives on your doorstep.

From my heart to yours,
Martha 

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